FREED VERSE

The life I could have lived often creeps into my mind. None of this 
        not-leaving 
        not-knowing
        not-loving.
Yes, but, remember--
Remember what? The life I gave away? The one with cigarette-stained bedframes, matching moon signs, a place to be when the party ends. Raw diamond, yellow topaz, amethyst flames; least of all (more than most), your turquoise stare and finger-woven 
l-o-v-e LOVE! 
             (which i'm still afraid to say, you know?)
More bitter than it is sweet.
Lie, cry, lift the covers from my face when I shoulder through the crowd. All this and more, and less, and some, and most, and none--
Yes, but, I'm golden. Wish there was more to say. I'm breathing, I'm smiling, I'm living, I'm laughing--
        all without it all.
       (still more than most) 
-et al.