FREED VERSE

written in the street while not thinking of you

your pungent soap
its concentrate is sour cucumber marbled with too-crisp mint
its purest form stings my nose
my eyes water from its harsh astringent
but from a distance
puffs of air from an empty bottle have remnants of you;
moreso than the distilled drakkar noir
you dab on now

--

i wish i could say you were just a man
but in those once-blue eyes
there is a trace of my trace of green

i wish i could look at the sky and be satisfied with remembering you
but leaves block my view
and remind me of the roots i can't bring myself to upend

we want our flowers to bloom
but we can't take our hands out of the soil
for fear the roots will collapse in on themselves
and our roses' thorns
will piece our buds 

--

my brilliant smile 
a "how do you do?"
i clap the dirt off my hands,
but grime beneath my nails remains.

still, it is a tomorrow problem. 
i put a piece of duct tape over my inner germaphobe's mouth
and notice the crinkles next to my eyes as i laugh.
i'm sitting on my hands, hoping the numbness will never fade
so it won't feel when i scrub them clean

a part of me thinks there will always be soot clogging my fingerprints
but, for now,
i'll put gloves over my hands
and pretend they're somebody else's.

--

his smile is kind.

--

enough faking! i say, and rip the gloves off
toss them into a pile of fallen leaves at my feet
their green turned to brown that crunches beneath me
the crackling under my boots reminding me that it's quieter to stand still

the longer i wait, the harder it is to raise my foot from the ground
the heavier the stomp
the louder the crunch
but i will not drown in dried-up auburns
no matter how many already dead leaves i have to kill in the process

even if i fall
the gloves i flung to the ground
ought to cushion my landing

--

the soles of my shoes land flat on the ground 
the layers get thinner
and the crunching quieter.
it's no longer the twinkle in his eyes
or the tears in yours.
the sky is still blue
but there is a horizon in front of me now.